1) don’t try and compere a family friendly comedy night with poems about clinical depression. 

2) don’t get your hair cut in Hampstead 

3) don’t leave it ten years to get your spotlight shots done. the results will fuck you up.

4) choose either a career, a family or both. Don’t choose neither. It makes for very long weekends.

5) friends who are pissed off with you but wont tell you why can fuck off