Oh no. No, no, no. I wasn’t going to blog about this because someone’s mother (but certainly not mine) used to say “If you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. My compromise (having been brought up by wolves) is that I won’t say much.

Let’s start positive: I like Woody Allen. Not his recent stuff about tennis players and all of that. And he got a bit less shiny when he shacked up with his step daughter – or whoever it was (don’t sue me Woody, I have a terrible memory). But I adore some of his work. The guy is one in a million. Not to mention the  sherpa and guiding light for neurotics everywhere.

I also like Harry Potter. The books. The films. The lot. Yes I am aware that loads of them were a bit shit, a bit overlong and that the whole idea was probably nicked from some brilliant author that went many years before (don’t sue me JK Rowling, I have a terrible memory) but Harry is my guilty pleasure.

So when these two things  miraculously came together in the form of THE BOY WHO WAS WOODY ALLEN starring Ron Weasley’s big brother James Phelps, I was excited. Not only was it going to be funny, but I was going to be in the presence of Wizardly Greatness! … Turns out the only true word in the previous sentence is “not”.

I honestly don’t know where to begin with any kind of critique of this show. Luckily, for us bloggers (as opposed to proper reviewers) we can duck out. Suffice it to say this was a thin idea (thanks David Simmons and Geoff Morrow), poorly executed (thanks Adam Morely). Although the cast tried their best,  what began as an almost loveable am dram  soon turned into the longest slowest car crash I have ever witnessed. I don’t even think James getting his Patronus out would have saved them.

Dear Actors:  if the producer tries to persuade you to take this to Edinburgh, PLEASE DON’T. You’ll be crucified. The director will get away with it (although I hold him COMPLETELY responsible) but you actually have to go out and perform it. Save yourselves!!!

Oi Vay.

Oh –  it’s on at The Pleasance (which is a very nice space with jolly friendly staff as it happens) and the last night is tonight.